just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
