Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
