she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
