Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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