when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
