The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
