the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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