I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
