I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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