Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
