had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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