And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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