Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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