haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
