bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love having hate sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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