Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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