She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no, he came in my armpit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
