It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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