Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
