It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
