he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
