WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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