I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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