Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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