Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
