I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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