Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
