UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
