i just had sex bonerless
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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