I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
