Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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