Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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