I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops