and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself