Apparently you make a good broom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.