I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?