turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.