I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
