You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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