when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
