the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
