Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
