i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
