Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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