We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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