strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
