FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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