Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
