just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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