I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
