take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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