dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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