Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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