I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
