I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
