he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
