it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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