Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
