I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
