His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
