Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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