do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Congratulations! We have a period
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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