Where is the hickey?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
