Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
