if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
