I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
