can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
