my being single is dangerous.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
