butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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