As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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