Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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