I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
