Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Bring me that man meat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
