woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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