they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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