My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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