hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
