I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
