I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
