I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
