I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
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God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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